2006-04-28

leafing through the past @ 10:59 p.m.

Hi.  It groweth late.  Man Unit came across a very ancient journal of his (c. 1981) which prompted me to pull out my own.  Have spent the last few hours leafing through the last 2 decades of my life.

My issues were easy to spot.  Serious case of the whoremones in the teen years.  And extending for quite awhile actually.  Severe and lasting depression when ol' Jug Ears dumped me from Japan, exacerbated by schtupping and subsequently falling in love with an emotionally unavailable gay man. Took me years, literally, to get over both. 

I just wanted to be loved.  Trusted.  Cared for.  I just wanted to be me.  

A lot of it is really a depressing read.  Lord, I could wax on at great length!  I spent a lot of the time I was supposed to be paying attention and taking notes wallowing in either what I wanted/couldn't get or luxuriating in what I'd gotten.  It was all about the emotions and very little about what was going on around me.  Introspective beyond belief, olympic navel-gazing. 

Like I don't do that now.  -snorts-